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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The venting of a sub-suburban housewife...

I just tucked my kid into bed almost an hour past his bedtime. He spent the entire afternoon and evening doing (or not doing) homework. No, I didn't hover over him to make sure it got done either. I was coupon-clipping like every good housewife should do.

I also made 2 dinners tonight. The first dinner I was so proud of myself for making because I was frugal and used left-over pot roast to make stew and dumplings. Then proceeded to spill a large amount of Thyme into the pot, thus ruining our frugal dinner. (Too much thyme makes anything taste like a big hunk of mold! Gross!)

Dinner number 2 was a frozen pizza. It was a low point in my career as a housewife.

Did I mention I did all this with an apron on? Well, that's me. I live in aprons. I have about 15.  The odd thing is, I still manage to spill things down the inside of my apron, thus defeating the whole purpose of wearing the apron. However, the apron does hide the spillage, so I guess I'm still the picture of what a housewife ought to be... it's all in appearances anyway, right?

Now, for my "unwind" time I am watching television where supposed "everyday" housewives live out their supposedly "normal" lives dealing with family problems while wearing abnormally high heels, tight designer size - 0 pants, obviously dry-clean only blouses, (no apron , mind you- "real" housewives apparently don't spill on themselves like I do...) and sporting freshly botoxed upper lips. Ya. That's real.  No worries, I can just walk around with my tongue behind my upper lip in front of my teeth and I look just like them. Yep.
Well... almost.

Did I mention I am still in my now-soiled apron? Yep. That's me, lounging around on the bed in my dirty apron--- the picture of the sub-suburban (sub, because I don't really live in the suburbs... more the outskirts of the inner city) housewife.

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