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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

And the Oscar Goes To....

I am soooo glad I'm not a movie star! Really. When I watch the Oscars, I am reminded of why I am so glad I'm not a movie star. When I see the tabloids in the grocery store (which I NEVER pick up and read curiously, by the way. Really. I don't!) I am reminded why I am glad I'm not a movie star. But I have to say the Oscars seal the deal for me, and here is why:

 The red carpet walk is so pathetic! Women have to dress just perfectly and walk just perfectly with perfect hair and makeup and- oh, you'd better make sure your necklace isn't too big, or too understated for that matter- and you'd better have a backless dress that plunges down to your butt crack. And Oh! You'd better show at least 3/4ths of your breasts. Is that waist larger than a 9 year old girl's? Honey, you haven't been on your vegan, carb-free, colon cleansing, all liquid diet for the past month, have you?

I'm sorry, but most of those women look so stiff and uncomfortable posing for the cameras. And most look emaciated- like they had to literally starve themselves to fit into that dress. And "Oh, who are you wearing tonight, girl?" Please! If I was on the red carpet I'd be saying "Oh, this is Sam's Club, I believe. Don't you just love Sam?" Ha! I wonder what people would say to that?!

 But seriously, I ache for some of those women who CLEARLY posed in front of the mirror practicing their "camera face" for hours. Jennifer Hudson? HELLO! Clearly a practiced poser! She gets this blank stare in her eyes like "I am a pretty, pretty princess and I am really really happy. Remember, I am really, REALLY happy!" Like she's trying to convince herself. She's not the only one, though. Catherine Zeta Jones. Ok, yes she's beautiful, but she's also aging and she knows it. But she's not ready to accept it yet. She stood there in that gold dress like a statue with her cheeks sucked in and her lips pouting out a bit so she'd look absolutely perfect. Sorry, Catherine. I'd rather see you relaxed and loving your beautiful self for who you are, not who you want the world to think you are. Same goes for you, Nichole Kidman. Stop injecting your face with things that make you look like a plastic freak! You were pretty once- now you're just all wrong! Stop it!

However, there are some stars I like. The ones that seem really down to earth, like Jennifer Lawrence. She's pretty, but not perfectly pretty. And she lets her nervousness show. And she tripped on her dress on the stairs and it wasn't the end of the world. (I would totally do that, by the way!)

I guess the whole point to this completely shallow and immature post is to remind myself that NOBODY is perfect, even though they may appear to be on the red carpet at the Oscars. Every one of those women has flaws, and insecurities. They also just happen to have stylists and high-end fashion designers clammoring to dress them. Hey, who needs it, right? I can dress myself! AND, I get to eat donuts once in a while, so HA!