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Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Poo Hating Mormon on Lake Street

To the sweet old lady who walked her dog by our house the other day:

eh... hem.....

"Dear Ms. _________,


I watched as you allowed your dog to leave his steaming brown calling card on my sidewalk next to another dogs mark, then watched in horror as you walked away- forgetting to pick up the lovely pile your dog left. My husband went out and quietly asked you if you would please pick up the poo your dog left behind- you acted as if he was asking you to come clean our toilets.

So, dear neighbor, I am puzzled by your behaviour. You immediately said you were glad you weren't a Mormon (where did that come from?!), and that, with our "trashy" yard, why would we even care if there was dog poo on the sidewalk. (FYI.. the white junk all over our yard is called snow. And it's not just in our "trashy" yard!) Maybe you think non-Mormons enjoy dog poo on their sidewalk? I have many non-Mormon friends and they don't love dog poo on their sidewalks, so it can't be that non-Mormons like it and Mormons do not! And I wonder how you even knew we are Mormons in the first place, we'd never seen you before in our lives.

I can only assume you've been asked by "Mormons" before to pick up after your dog, and you've built up resentment toward us poo-hating people.I don't want you to hate us.

So, I say to you, dear neighbor, please do not hessitate to walk your little black poodle by my house in the future. There are plenty of people who don't keep their dogs on leashes and who let them come to use the facilities available to them in our unfenced yard. There's plenty of poo left, so feel free and welcome to come by, if that's what you're comfortable with. I would just appreciate it if you don't allow your dog to add to it, if at all possible.

Oh, and contorting your already wrinkley face like that when you yell and say "Mormons" like that... it's not really flattering to a woman of your advancing years. I'm worried what that kind of bitterness does to someone's blood pressure, let alone smoker's cought,too. You wouldn't want to leave that little doggie without an owner would you?

Sincerely,

The poo hating Mormon on Lake Street.

7 comments:

Sam said...

some people are perfectly bizarre aren't they!!? It's about basic, common courtesy and NOTHING else!!!

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

Wow, I can't believe that! What a rude, mean person! You should take your dog over to her place and poop all over her yard!

Jen said...

Erin - you crack me up! I can't believe someone had the nerve to say a single word to you when you caught them letting their dog poo in your yard! The nerve!

R+J+W+E said...

wow...thanks for the description of the dog, if I see this lovely pair out walking maybe I can be conveniently walking Ozzy at the same time, follow them home and let Ozzy leave them a present of his own....and Ozzy doesn't just leave it in one spot- he's a poo-walker!
hahahahahahahaha

Jess said...

She must know the secret that what Mormons really teach at church is to hate poop while the rest of the world loves having some random dog poo in their yard. What a weirdo.

Ruth said...

You crack me up! She is a loon...

Andrea said...

Maybe you could start a club; The Poo Hating Mormons. I'll join. You and Merritt did a great job singing in our Mormon church today. But mostly I loved the purple. I want to buy an entire wardrobe from the color you were wearing today. You looked beautiful and Merritt was a nice accent.