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Saturday, January 3, 2009

Don't go to sleep...

Do you ever wonder how something seemingly deeply imbedded in your past can resurface in your dreams like it happened yesterday? I often have dreams like that, you know, the ones where you find yourself walking the halls of high school, it's finals and you remember that you never went to your math class and are frantically trying to remember where it is???? Or how about the dreams where you find yourself sitting in 4th grade and realize you forgot to wear pants?

My nights are frequently, too frequently haunted with such dreams as these. I don't think that I am a person who dwells too much in the past, but I find myself having dreams like these so often, I wonder if there's something I didn't resolve in my childhood! The dreams that are most disturbing to me are the ones about ex-boyfriends. I HATE them! (the dreams, not the ex's... well, some of them!) I am a happily married woman, yet in my dreams I am back in high school, or college, with some ex=boyfriend, and things aren't usually going well.

Last night, I dreamed that an ex came back after not having seen or heard from him for years, and he was begging me to get back together with him. I absolutely had no intention of doing this as I was married, but he persisted. He finally got rather verbally abusive and I woke up seething about the whole thing. It was a few minutes before I realized it had all been just a dream, which then made me angry because I had to be angry and hurt over nothing.

I think maybe most dreams represent something else entirely. I don't think I have a fear that I forgot to take a class in high school, or that I am harboring feelings I haven't dealt with about former boyfriends. I think they surface at times when I am feeling frustrated with my situation, or something going on in my life I can't control. I don't want the holiday to end and life to go back to normal. I don't want my son to have to go back to school... I can't control these things, and I think my dreams are reflecting this helplessness.

Once, I went to bed hungry and dreamed I had eaten an entire box of eclaires. I woke up smiling, and glad I had enjoyed the pleasures of it without any of the actual calories! Why can't every dream be like this???? Get out of my head ex- boyfriends! Go away, math class I hated! You are banished forever!!!!!!

I think I'll watch some sappy girl flick tonight before bed. At least maybe I'll dream about Patrick Dempsey dumping me if nothing else!