Feeling sorry for myself...

My poor Nappy dog is not doing well. He's had arthritis for the last year or so, and his medication has really helped up until now. However, a few weeks ago he started really struggling. Now, he has a hard time walking, he's skittish and yelps whenever you make any sudden moves around him, he puts off going outside for as long as possible, and dreads going up and down the stairs. He's not his normal, happy self anymore. He just lays around all day long, and just looks depressed.

I'm having trouble coming to grips with the fact that it's probably time to let him go. I don't want him to suffer anymore. But I've had him for over 12 years, and I've become quite attached to the little guy. I love that he greets me whenever I come through the front door with a wagging tail- as though I've been gone for a long time, even if I've only gone out to water the flowers. I love how he would snuggle up next to me while watching television. He would always seem to sense when I wasn't feeling well and just lay near me, quietly content and not bugging me for treats or to be let outside. He loved it when I would "tuck him in" at night, taking him to his bed in my son's room and petting him before I left the room. (Now, all he wants to do is be at my side at all times. He even sneaks into our room after our light is out and lays on the floor next to my side of the bed.)

So, we're saying our goodbyes. I don't know how much longer we'll have him, but I don't think it will be long. I'm just struggling right now with the temporary nature of it all. Is this our last Thursday together? How many more times will I get to pet his soft little head? Do I even order his next prescription of pain meds?

Ugh. I am just having a hard time right now. :(