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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Deamons, Be Gone!

Yesterday I confronted one of my biggest deamons in a very long time.

I can't believe I'm actually posting about this---- it's incredibly personal.

Yet, here I am facing up to it- head on.

It was huge. It was ginormous.

It was a road I haven't been down for probably 25 years, at least!

I was trembling when I did it. My first reaction was to run screaming in the other direction, but with a 7 year old and a 5 year old standing by, and my husband looking on, I didn't think it would be a good example.

When my husband said, "Hey- let's play kickball," my heart immediately stopped. "Kicksoccer" as I have always called it, is my one biggest shame from my childhood. It was my greatest fear when I was young, and I still have nightmares about it. Yet, when faced with the decision to face my fear once again and play kicksoccer, or smash it deep down into the nether-regions of my psyche only to be tormented forever more, and with shaking legs and dry mouth notwithstanding, I face my fear.

Visions of me swinging my leg to kick the ball only to find it missing it entirely and finding myself suddenly airborn and landing flat on my tush came flooding into my mind as my husband reared his arm back to pitch me the ball. I closed my eyes inadvertantly as I watched the ball roll toward me. Time slowed as horrible memories raced through my mind of my short legs running as quickly as they could while the fast boys raced to get me out- succeeding every time- then seeing the dissappointed looks on my team's faces as I hung my head and returned to the back of the line.

Sweat beaded on my brow as I swung my leg back to try just one more time to kick the ball- hoping that in my adulthood I have acquired some semblence of coordination I didn't have when I was 10. My pulse quickened. Thump. Thump. Thump. Th......

My heart stopped. I brought my foot forward and kicked as hard as I could. Everything went silent. I opened my eyes to see if the world had completely stopped. Instead, I saw a red orb flying through the air and my husband running as fast as he could to catch the ball. I stood there in awe. I had actually hit it! It took me a minute to realize I needed to run to the base. I ran as fast as my short legs would go, all the while watching that red ball roll further and further away.

My feet touched first and kept going to second, then to third. I saw the ball flying toward me, but playing against a 5 and a 7 year old gave me an advantage I'd never had before. I was actually better at this game than they were! I raised my hands triumphantly in the air as I made it to home base. My first ever home run in kicksoccer!

I've decided I will always play with little kids, from now on. It makes me feel better about myself! I have crossed a new milestone. I have kicked the ball and succeeded! No more bad dreams of falling on my rear end. It's a new day, and I'm a new woman!

Anyone have any little kids they want to lend me for a game of kicksoccer?