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Friday, April 9, 2010

Child of divorce... where is MY 3 month long rehab, huh????

*Warning: following post contains some strong emotion about divorce. If you disagree, I don't want to hear it! I know what I'm talking about!

I am sick to death of reading about all the movie stars and sports icons and music stars who have suddenly been discovered having an affair! First of all, doesn't "Famous" mean "prone to excessive behaviour including rants about politics, wild party nights, and adultery"? I mean, are any of us really surprised when we hear so-n-so is getting divorced because their spouse was discovered texting a model? Then, you read that they've checked into some million dollar rehab facility to figure out their lives.

Ok, whatever. People can make their own messed up choices. However, I get REALLY irritated when there are children involved. I mean, super, heart-rate-goes-up, blood-boils, kind of irritated! And when the parents involved say "Oh, our children are taking it really well," I just want to say Molarky!!!! (is that how you spell it?)

I am a child of divorce. My parent's divorce was very unique in that they stayed friends. We went on trips together, had many holiday meals together, did a LOT of things together as a "family" even after the divorce. I was lucky- for a child of divorce. People said we kids handled it soooo well. And we did.... as kids.

What no one realized is how all of that stuff would affect us in our future lives. Sometimes I feel someone should write a book about being a child of divorce. (I don't know, maybe they have.) I just don't think parents have ANY real idea how the situation is going to affect their children for the rest of their lives! True, you can make it as painless as possible, but that doesn't mean it is going to be painless, and it certainly won't be without its lasting effects.

Maybe I'll start a blog someday about this. Probably no one would read it. Probably I would get alot of flack from people who've been divorced about how I can't possibly know how awful it is to be stuck in a bad marriage, and how much better it was for the children to be away from all that fighting. Ok, I get it- there are certain circumstances where divorce might be the best option for the kids (such as an abusive relationship) but I think there are far too many divorces that happen because parents just "don't love eachother anymore" or "can't make it work".

I'm sorry, but maybe if you could see into your children's futures at the heartache you are causing them, and the difficulties they will have in their own lives because of your decision to divorce... well, maybe you might find a way to make it work!

So,what I wanna know is where is the rehab facility for the victims here- the children? (Or rather, the children when they've grown up and realize how messed up they are because of their parent's divorce.) When do they get their 3 months in a serene place where they figure out how messed up their parents were and that they aren't necessarily going to be that way, too?

And when is the media going to stop plastering everyone's business over every means possible??? I really don't want to hear/ read/ see/ it anymore!

end of rant!!!!


Lauren said...

I find that I am only just starting to see some of the worst effects of divorce. Dealing with step-families as an adult is sooo much worse than it was growing up, and also accidentally referring to someone Grandma Suzie when now it is Grandma Heidi, or having a step-grandparent who wants nothing to do with the family and is slowly alienating our children from their grandma. Other than that, it's wonderful! Sorry about my rant. I'm glad we have each other! I'll never divorce you!

Jen said...

I agree that too many people use divorce as an out because they aren't willing to make the sacrifice that is required to really put someone else's needs above their own and in general you are definitely right. That said (and not to disagree, just a different perspective), I too am "a child of divorce", but I was on the other end of it. I didn't grow up in an abusive home and I have 2 loving parents who are good people. My parents stayed married, and tried to make it work for 23 years "for the kids" (they got divorced around the time Morgan was born) and I truly think that was worse for everyone involved, children included. I guess it all comes down to this...every situation is different and there is no generalization that actually works here. I am 100% pro choosing your mate wisely, getting the "out" of divorce off the table completely and working your tail off to be a good spouse and to love that person YOU picked no matter what, but I think that there are situations where divorce is the best option.

P.S. I am sick of hearing about the celebrities too!

Andrea said...

I agree with you, Erin. I married into a divorced family, and it's messed up. I think the saddest thing about it, is that Wes and his brothers have lost all respect for their parents, aside from the fact that they are their parents, due to the choices their parents made. It leaves them looking to others for examples of good parents. It makes me grateful that my parents have been able to work out their problems and stay married. Let's be honest anyone who says they don't have problems in their marriage is lying.