Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Last week was.... well.... there are no words.

It was Spring break.

Spring break has always been a week of going to museums, visiting my mom, playing with friends...

Although we did some of that, last week was mainly about STRESS for me.

I was planning and tying up loose ends for my Relief Society Birthday Party that I was in charge of since I was put in as the new "Enrichment" counselor in my ward a month ago. (Yes, a month... new calling... huge activity... no committee.... you got it!)

I don't normally stress out about these things too much. I can throw together a dinner for a crowd with narry a hiccup. But, for some reason, this activity started to freak me out at the last second. I was stressed about there being enough food. Then was there too much food? Did I get enough gifts--- too many? Are the ladies going to freak out that we aren't using utensils???(some did, by the way!) Are they not going to know what to do when there are only a few tables set up and you're mainly supposed to eat on your lap??? (which, by the way, didn't happen. EVERYONE huddled around the few tables that were set up.... I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks.)

All in all the activity turned out pretty well I think. Not very many people came, which was dissappointing, but the ones that did seemed to enjoy themselves, and nearly all the sandwiches got eaten! (Which made me happy because I didn't want to be eating ham salad and egg salad sandwiches for the next week!)

HOWEVER... I also had to turn around and teach the lesson today which I hadn't had time to prepare last week, so last night was spent doing that, and all this morning, too! Again, I don't usually get nervous about teaching, but today I felt so scatterbrained, and to top it all off I had to conduct the meeting as well, while pretending to sound like a mature grownup. I felt like it was the "Erin" show! Seriously! (In my defense, I think I managed to keep the embarassing comments to a minimum, and only mentioned my c-section once... I think...)

Needless to say, I got home today, fixed dinner (meatloaf, at that. It was a desperate day, but it turned out ok. It was better than just edible... and for meatloaf that's pretty good!) and tried to take a nap. IT was then that it really hit me. I lay awake in the bed for an hour and a half, my heart beating so fiercely I could almost see it coming out of my chest. I recognized the symptoms of anxiety and said, Ahhh.. yes... NOW it hits me! I finally have a moment to breathe and my body says, what have you done to us????

So, tonight I am in knots! I need to do some yoga or meditation to calm myself down and tell myself it is over. IT probably didn't help that when I sat down in church today to read the upcoming events, there in bold black and white print said "Relief Society activity, May 1st".

That is only 3 weeks away! Who planned this??? Luckly, I found out it had been submitted by the previous presidency and wasn't really an actual activity I needed to hurry up and plan. (Lucky thing, too... because I was already planning how I was going to find some hard liquor, and fast!)

Tomorrow, I am going to take the day easy... watch girlie movies all day in bed, drink gallons of hot chocolate, and turn off the phones! I need to turn my brain off for just one day!!!!

Speaking of....

Goodnight! I'm off....