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Thursday, October 16, 2008

What I've learned in 9 years...

On October 22nd, I will have been married for 9 years! Woo Hoo!!!! Yep, we have already surpassed most Hollywood couples- a thing of which I am most proud, indeed.

What's our secret?

1) Just pick up the socks, and don't complain. I have long since learned that certain people's socks will forever not make it into the hamper, and if you just pick them up, life is happier for everyone.

2) If you take a minute every few days to smooth out the toothpaste tube from the end, and remove your long hair from the shower drain, marital unity is one step closer.

3) a little (three letter word inserted here) goes a long way!

4)Always give your husband the last bite of dessert off your plate. (And make it seem like you planned to give it to him all along.) Yes, true- he already had a heaping helping of his own, but for some reason, that last bite is all he needs (except for #3) to be happy.

5) ALWAYS tell your husband exactly how much you saved on a frivolous purchase before telling him you purchased it. (then add #3!)

6) 5-6 action packed movies (preferably with lots of blood and maybe some aliens) must be watched to equal the emotional and psychological torture experienced for every 1 chick flick/ Jane Austen movie he watches with you.

7) Husbands take you out to nice restaurants, not because you like the break and want a nice meal you didn't have to cook, but so you will learn how to make it at home so they don't have to take you out as much!

8) Your marriage will last longer if you enliven it often watching funny episodes of your favorite t.v. show in bed, with popcorn and Fresca.

9) Go a few days every now and then without showering or doing your hair. When you finally do dress up again, you'll get a big "wow", and he'll remember how hot he thought you were when he met you. (again, a #3 here would be good- after the shower, of course!)

10) Go on road trips together. Put squirt cheese on crackers and add pieces of ham or turkey. Gently place into his mouth while he is driving. Read a good book to him, and never fall asleep. You're on this road trip together, remember.

11) If you are reading "Twilight" and happen to fall in love with the main character, and your husband rolls his eyes whenever he sees you drooling over it,(which happens to be every night as he comes to bed, hoping for #3) just make your husband feel better by saying "You know...reading this, I just can't help picturing you in the role of Edward- you'd be perfect!" and all is well.

12) Flatter him often, saying things like: "Honey, I just love it when you scrub the toilet and shower with no shirt on! Your bulging muscles are soooo....bulging. Will you do it again for me?" You'll have a sparkly clean bathroom all the time!

13) Laugh at his jokes, even if you've heard them before, (they are still funny). And ask about his day, even if you know it was awful. Then be willing to listen to his complaints about imbecile bosses and incompetent workmates, and follow with a shoulder rub. Smile, and be glad you have such a wonderful person to spend eternity with.


Heidi said...

Oh man.... LOL... laughing so hard I almost peed my pants!!!

I've got 4 years on you - all I can say is you've got it down, girl!

Too funny... have a happy anniversary! :)

Shantell said...

So funny! Congrats on 9 years! Hope you have a great anniversary!

Jen said...

Happy 9 years! Maybe I will get a couple of these tips down in the next 4 years!

Doney Days said...

That is hilarious, but so true, especially #3. Dan was reading them over my shoulder and laughed too.

I also noticed your o3world logo on the side of your blog and your weight loss! I'm so happy for you! I hope you're liking them. Dan is down 9 pounds now. I was down 6 until I found out I was preggers and now I'm not stepping on the scale for a while! :) My dad is down about 10 pounds. Have you tried the shakes yet? Let me know if you want more info!

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

Oh my goodness! I love it!! You totally crack me up. Merrit is lucky to have you as a wife. I need to follow your marital tips.

Andrea said...

Dr. Laura eat your heart out. That was some fabulous advice.