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Thursday, August 20, 2009

Yet another view of my psychotic, unrealistic side for you to enjoy at your leisure...

Want to know something?

I am a complete psychotic freak! Yep. It's true. Oh, you say you already knew that? Well, then this post will not be anything new to you.

I am self-diagnosing today. The topic for my contemplation is "Why I internally freak out whenever I have to leave home for any extended period of time". The fuel for this question is my upcoming cruise to Mexico. It all became clear to me while observing my adorable niece the other day. She always gets sick whenever they leave town. I realized she is exactly like me- It is prompted by anxiety!

When I was a little girl, whenever my friends would have a slumber party I would get so excited about it. However, after being there for a few hours I would begin to feel sick to my stomach. Every time! Eventually it would get so bad I would call home and have my mom come pick me up. I think I actually spent the entire night at someone else's house less than 5 times total. I know, pathetic!

Whenever my family would take trips anywhere when I was a kid, I would inevitably end up getting sick on the trip. Yep- every time! Even when I went on tours with my high school choirs and college choirs I would get sick. It would manifest itself differently when I got older- I would ALWAYS lose my voice- ALWAYS! But the result was the same- I was always sick.

It seems I've gotten over my physical display of symptoms when I go on trips now, which is a relief, but I still have some real issues with leaving home. Last year when we were getting ready for Europe, for about 6 months I was thinking of ways to get out of it. Even up until the day before we left I was panicky and jittery and nervous. My stomach was doing flip-flops, and it wasn't until I actually got over to England safely that I began to feel a little better.

Now, as I am looking forward to my cruise to Mexico, I am finding myself exibiting the same signs- anxiety, nervousness, jitters, icky stomach. I love going on trips, but for some reason it freaks me out.

So? What does this mean? Well, I haven't gotten that far yet. No, I will not cancel my trip. No, I won't stop going out of town- I need to face my fears head on and be a man! (I mean, a woman!)

And, no- it doesn't mean that I will be going up very tall buildings and looking down to overcome my fear of heights, too. What do you think I am? Crazy???


Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

There's nothing wrong with being a home-body. I remember crying at sleepovers too! I went to Alaska once when I was 15 for three weeks. I called my mom bawling after the first 3 days and begged to come home. By the way, Merritt was just telling me about your cruise. SO jealous!