I am officially a lab rat!

It's true. I am now a number... one of those "...of the 5000 people studied, 78% claimed they felt no pain after...." people.

I "auditioned" for a wisdom tooth study, and got the part of lab rat.

I think the word that scares me the most in that last sentence is the word "study". (Rat is also worrisome, but for this particular instance, study seems to be scarier.)

According to dictionary.com, one of the definitions of Study is: research or a detailed examination and analysis of a subject, phenomenon, etc.: She made a study of the transistor market for her firm.

This means, they want to find out what a particular drug does to a person after a painful surgery, such as wisdom teeth removal.(or what it doesn't do!)

Ok, so I absolutely MUST have my wisdom teeth removed within the next 6 months. They've overstayed their welcome. They have become too big for their breeches. I read about a "study" being done where I could get them removed for free, and get paid! Ya, sounds great, right?

But when I went in for the initial exam yesterday, and they poked me, drew blood, made me pee in a cup, weighed me, took my blood pressure, made me take a breathalizer test... ("oh, you know... this is what the cops use when they pull you over on the road." Uh... no I don't know! Which, by the way, I had to do twice because I didn't blow correctly- how the heck do they get drunk people to do it right?), made me answer questions about EVERYTHING under the sun, made me lie down in a dark room because I was anxious and my BP was elevated, took my BP again after I'd told myself people don't generally die from wisdom tooth extractions and calmed down a bit, then finally passed me and scheduled me for a butt-crack-of-dawn appointment where I actually play the role of the lab rat, well... I was beginning to have second thoughts.

So, early Monday morning I get to go have all that stuff done again- (because the government needs duplicate tests of everything so they can lose the paperwork twice, I guess.) Only this time I get to spend the night after the surgery in a small room with a bed ("bring your own pillow and blanket"), have no cell phone, no visitors, no outside contact with the world, reading a book while hoping I didn't get the placebo pain killer instead of the actual study medication. Wait at least an hour after I start feeling "intense" pain before they give me a real pain killer. (Oh, I sure hope I don't get the placebo!!!!) I think I'll wear a t-shirt that says "No Placebo for me!"

Wish me luck! I hate all things dental! I wish we all had no teeth and had to gum our food. But, as I said, I must get the darn things out, so I might as well get it done for free, and get some extra cash in the process, right?

So, until I survive the process and return to my normal, albeit wisdom tooth free self, just call me Algernon. (Only, I really don't think I'll become super smart as they are removing my wisdom teeth. *sigh* oh well.)