Failure or Freedom?

*sigh* We have decided to cancel our gym membership and buy a treadmill, instead. I had a treadmill for several years, used it sporatically, but when it died we decided to get a gym membership. So, why does getting another treadmill feel like we are failures?

Buying a gym membership was a huge thing for me. I had a roommate that worked in a gym in college, and I'd go visit her sometimes. The key word is VISIT, meaning I never spent more than 10 minutes in a gym in my life up to that point. I felt like a fish out of water! The gym is for people who are thin, tight, firm, buff, motivated, type-A... you know. People who say, "I love working out! I love feeling the sweat pour down my body, my heart pounding in my chest...." Those people who do not speak the same language as me, the people who are not even from the same planet as me. (Sorry to my good friends who say this very thing... I admire you, really I do. I just don't understand you!)

My husband is one of these people. He will get on the treadmill and go and go and go. He will start to expound the virtues of exercise as he's going. He spews about the oxygen getting into your blood and pumping through your body, making you stronger and healthier. He exclaims how he "loves it!" and how good it feels. This is when I know without a doubt that men are from mars.

So, I got us gym memberships a few years ago for our anniversary. It was great. We went several times a week during Merritt's lunch hour, and even got a trainer who claimed quite confidently that he could whip our butts into shape in no time and have us looking like "muscle machines" or something like that. Well.... after a few months, I was a little stronger, but I could tell the trainer wasn't happy with the rate of my improvement. Apparently I wasn't cut out for the gym, I guess. I kept going, though. We got rid of the trainer, and tried it on our own. Of course, I stopped lifting weights. Why do something that is really hard and boring and monotonous? So, it was down to just the treadmill. (No, I didn't gain a ton of weight back or anything. You can't gain back what was never lost.)But it made us evaluate,why pay $50 a month to walk on a treadmill when we can buy one and have it here whenever we need it?

I will miss the gym. Yes, it's true. I never fit in there, but I will miss the "idea" of fitting in. Saying, "Ya, I go to the gym" sounds cooler than, "Ya, I get on my treadmill in my basement." And there's no cardio cinema in my basement like there is at the gym. Of course, I would always get so mad at the person next to me for talking on their cell during the movie.... it's never a good combination when you are exercising (which I hate to do) and getting all angry at someone, too. It makes me very volitile! They also don't give you popcorn in the cardio cinema at the gym. I guess I could flip on the television and eat popcorn at home while I walk on the treadmill- would it defeat the purpose?

Anyway, I guess I just need to come to terms with the fact that maybe I just wasn't cut out for the gym. I'll definitely tend to work out more if I don't have to get in my car and drive somewhere to do it. That's a plus, I guess. And I will be the best looking person working out in my gym! (No trying to keep up with the perky 21 year old next to me running for 50 minutes as a "warm up" to her workout!) So, this is a good thing, right? Also, I won't have to fend off hungry trainers looking for a juicy new morsel to sink their teeth into. I was so close to making a t-shirt that said, "No! I do NOT want a trainer, so BACK OFF!" So, I guess it's a good thing in the end. What is it that they say? "That which doesn't make you stronger kills you?" Well, something like that, anyway!