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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

the stalkers at the gym...

Ok.I buy a gym membership in the hopes that I can get my sorry behind into some semblance of shape... anything but blob, right? Right. I've had this membership for a few years now, and sadly to say, have not always been the most committed attendee.

I go in spurts, but purposely avoid going the entire month of January, because then I just look like every other schmoe out there who has a new year's resolution to get fit. I'm not one of "those" people- I am a year-round resolution breaker!

My sporatic attendence makes it all the more important that I enjoy it while I'm there, right? Timing is everything. I go in the mid-morning because all the old flabby people go at that time. I feel great when I look like I'm going at lightening speed next to the old lady on her walker on the treadmill next to me! (ok, maybe there's no walker, but the paramedic on standby at the front desk should tell you what clientelle they have at this time of day!). I get checked out by all the men, too. Granted, they probably can't see much because of the cataracts in both eyes, but it's nice to be ogled, nevertheless.

However, there is one thing I absolute HATE about doing gym time: the trainers. I should call them Gym Stalkers, because that's essentially what they are. They prowl the gym for fat or flabby people to accost and try to shame them into signing their life away on a trainer. I must have a big "Pick on Me" sign on my forehead because they inevitably come over to me almost every time.

I try to be nice and say, "Hi... I'm not interested in a trainer", but they always sneak things in like "What exercises do you usually do when you come?" No yes or no questions here. No Sir! When I tell them I had a trainer for a year and nothing happened, they are shocked, and I know they don't believe me!

Well, today I used the old "my cell phone just rang, I bet this call is urgent" tactic as I saw him creeping closer. IT worked, he veered off to some other unsuspecting poor struggling soul walking their life away on the treadmill further down from me. I sighed with relief. Crisis averted today. But what about tomorrow?

Please vote in the poll to the right to help me decide what to put on a work out t-shirt to ward off the evil trainers in the future. I know my phone tactic worked today, but I can't talk and walk at the same time. Someone's going to get hurt!

5 comments:

Heidi said...

I can't choose just one... give me a day or so to think it over. LOL

Ruth said...

Love the poll! I pick the first one. I can't stand the trainer thing either. I just avoid eye contact at all costs...

Lauren said...

You should wear a shirt that says "No Solicitors", or just find someone to come along with you and pretend to be your trainer.

Jen said...

So annoying when people bug you while you are doing your thing. I don't go to the gym, so I wouldn't know, but Personal Trainers sound as bad as cell phone salespeople at the mall.

heather said...

Maybe..."happy with the skin I'm in ?" and fake a really bad cough/nose blow. They are probably really offended by anything contagious.