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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Bring on the chocolate... I need it bad!

This is a totally selfish tantrum. Beware.

Today I found out I am being released from my calling as Young Woman Beehive advisor. (that's teaching the 12-13 year old girls for you that don't know). It came as a total shock to me. It seems in my ward, you are in a calling until you rot and beg to be let go- I've only been in this position a little over a year.

The girls I have been teaching are so great. I taught them when they were just little 5 and 6 year olds in primary, and to watch them grow in to beautiful, good young women was so thrilling. I loved preparing their lessons and tried to really get in touch with what they were thinking and feeling, and going through. I know I didn't always show my love for them- I'm a little reserved that way- but I truly feel love for them. I really felt I was where I should be, doing the right things.

I bawled all through Sacrament Meeting. I feel bad because I know I looked terrible, and sniffled throughout the entire meeting. People would come up to me and ask me if I was ok, and I'd start bawling all over again. I HATE crying in public!!!! I even made my husband go up to say the closing prayer though I had been asked to do it because I knew I'd just get up there and fall to pieces. I finally just gave up and came home.

I know I will get over this. I know there will be other places I will serve, I know. I just wanted to be here right now. I wanted to be with the young women! Thanks, Ruth, for being so great. I understand more now what you are going through. I felt you were in the right place as well--- guess we don't know everything, huh?

Ok, that's it for my whining and ranting. I'm all out of tears and I'm going to find some chocolate.

4 comments:

Heidi said...

Big old (((hugs)))!!!

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

Sad!! What a great advisor you must be! I bet the girls will miss you so much. DO you have another calling yet?

Ruth said...

Let's just get something straight. Those girls know flat out how much you love them. You expressed it in your lessons, your friendship, and just your beehive glow! You were amazing.

It's a good thing we weren't sitting together because I was a SERIOUS wreck. Crazy weird crying face and all. I guess sometimes we just don't understand the reason for things, as I am experiencing as well. Hang in there and know you did the best job in the universe! For real!

Jen said...

I was "lucky" to be staying home with 3 sick kids or I would have been right there with you. Even when you know it is all for the best and that it is part of the plan, it is still hard to move on. You are the BEST! I was so lucky to get to hear your lessons every week and the girls learned so much from you and your example! I am trying to psych myself up to "enjoy" my break from a calling...but I am not doing very well with it.