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Friday, March 20, 2009

A Germ-a-phobe's night out

It's hard being the only girl in a home filled with all boys: husband, son, boy dog, boy bird.

Last month when I asked my son what he wanted to do for his birthday, he said "Go to Fat Cat's". No, not to bowl.... to play the video games. We spent an hour and a half there.

Last night when I asked my husband what he wanted to do for his birthday, he said "Go to the Nickelcade". So, we drove to Nickel Mania where every pre-teen's, deadbeat jobless wife-beater-wearing man's, and apparently, jr. high lesbians' dreams come true. Oh, and my husband's, as well.

I geared myself up for it. I slathered my whole body in antibacterial lotion before going. I donned my antimicrobial socks (hey... they could help, you never know!), and practiced holding my breath for long periods of time. I felt I was ready. We walked in and there were only two people there, and I saw the front desk guy carrying a bottle of spray cleaner and paper towels, so my fears were somewhat allayed.

Immediately, my son needed to use the potty, so I walked trepidaciously back to the bathroom and found it had just been cleaned.(usually, my husband is the one to take him to the bathroom in a public place, but he was awe-struck by all the blinking lights and pretty clinking noises.) I did feel better that it was a single bathroom, and the door locked, but I camped out by the door with my meanest "don't mess with me or my kid" face on, just to be on the safe side. (I especially kept my eye on a 50-something year old man playing some strange game in the corner. He never even looked up.)

Then, with our bag 'o nickels in hand, we were prepared for hours of video game nirvana. Of course, I became bored about 5 minutes in, so wandered around trying to occupy myself. I saw two Jr. High age girls playing "Dance Revolution" and marveled at their incredible dancing skills when they suddenly hugged and kissed. Ok- enough of that disgusting stuff! Luckily, they didn't keep at it. (ugh!) I played a shooting zombie game and knew I'd have nightmares for weeks after. (No- I did NOT allow my son to even see it!) (The zombie game was right next to that 50 year old man who was still playing the same game. Hmmmm.... no wedding ring.)

There was a giant bottle of antibacterial gel on the front counter, and I frequented it enough times to make the cashier laugh whenever I came up. "Yes, I'm an antibacterial Gel junkie."

2 hours later, we finally left to go get dinner at "Famous Dave's". (That older guy hadn't moved from his stool at his game. I gave him a look of pity as we left.) I was desperate to finally take a deep breath in, though, so I rushed out the door. My husband was happy- my son was happy- I guess that's what matters.

(incidentally, my husband pegged the older guy perfectly: unmarried, lives with his mother, sells stuff on ebay to make a meager living, eats macaroni and cheese every day of his life- plays at nickel mania every day of his life.)

I decided for MY birthday, we are going to all get our nails done, do facials, and watch every version of "Pride and Prejudice" that is out there. Ok, who am I kidding, we'll probably take the nickels we had left from last night and go back to Nickel Mania- the place where all your dreams come true!


Andrea said...

Not just macaroni and cheese, but Hot Pockets galore. Wes worked with a guy who never went to the store and just ordered all his food online. Have you read the book Austenland?

Loralee Choate said...

I realized after listening to the elventybillionth dinner conversation revolving around starwars legos, anime and scouting that this??? IS MY LIFE.

You and I should get together and have a tea party. complete with feather boas and sparkly tiaras.