I am a Yoga Goddess!!!

"Breathe....... deeply, slowly.......... feel the strength flow through your body as you slowy and smoothly rise off your mat while exhaling........"

NO, this is not a dream, it was my morning yoga instructor. No, I don't go to a public place to humiliate myself in front of a class full of skinny, freakily limber yoga maniacs, I watch it in the privacy of my livingroom on a DVD. (where my son laughs at me and tells me I'm not doing it like the lady on the screen...... Ya, I know!!!)

I have issues with Yoga, but I am forcing myself to do it anyway. In the end, I really do feel more "centered".... whatever that means, and I am at least stretched out. I can bend more easily throughout the day to pick up countless socks and crayons. And I guess I am a little more patient and calm, so I continue to force myself into this routine almost every morning.

"Gently place your yoga brick underneath your bottom as you sit straight and reach for the sky..."

Ok, gently? I have to roll totally off the mat to get the yoga brick where I'm supposed to sit on it, then try not to fall off it as it wobbles underneath me. Am I doing it right? I look at the tv and she is perfectly still and calm. I must be doing it wrong, but how many sides to a brick are there? I try it the long way, the tall way.... Owe! That can't be right! Besides, it's made of foam... It's not like it's the sturdiest thing around. Although, before I had the brick I was using soup cans. Believe me, sitting on the brick is MUCH better than the soup can!!!!


"Reach your hands outward and breathe." (Yes, I have to constantly be reminded to breathe. It's true. I have no problem every other minute of my life, but when doing yoga I tend to stop breathing altogether. ) "Breathe...... and as your reach your hands out, feel yourself widening, reaching, becoming freer....."

Ok, I definitely feel the widening part. But, I thought I was supposed to fix that with yoga! The free part? Well, I feel shaky and wobbly, and a little faint? Are you supposed to see spots in front of your eyes doing this?

"While placing your hands on your brick, gently lift your bottom into the air. Lengthen your legs and feet......... equally distribute the weight between your hands and feet........... feel calm.... relaxed....... be present....."

Present? Where else would I be, trying not to fall over sideways onto the dog who seems to think I look strange for some reason! How does one "gently" lift ones bottom into the air while feeling calm and relaxed, anyway? It isn't a natural position. Do you ever see people in the grocery store doing that? "Oh ya, I do it when I get stressed out a the meat department! It helps me feel calm and relaxed."

Merritt comes in the room. I hurry and try to look relaxed, calm, present. I'm trying to lay on the mat with my feel "firmly" on the ground while lifting my abdomen high into the air. I try as hard as I can to look like I know what I'm doing..... to look like the lady on tv. He looks at me for a minute, then says..."are you sure you're doing that right?" One look from me sends him scurrying from the room.

My routine is finally over. However, I refuse to say "Namas-te" at the end like the lady does. It feels strange..... are Mormon's supposed to say that? (tee hee) Boy, do I feel "present", though. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to do that every day!

Tomorrow I think I'll make Merritt do it with me!